Some people come for a reading with one of our psychics when they are going through sudden change. It can often be hard when our life takes an unexpected turn so I thought it would be a good to share some tips on how to deal with difficult experiences .
While we can talk about the positive effects of change and the need to initiate change in our lives in order to move forward, unwanted change is something entirely different.
You only have to ask anyone who is going through a loss – of a partner, a job, a relative or close friendship, to understand how devastating its effects can be.
Very often, we have no warning the change is about to happen and it blindsides us, leaving us adrift, grief stricken and feeling that nothing including the ground we stand on, is solid in our lives.
Despite all that is written about our reactions to change, these are situations that we not only cannot control but we often cannot control our emotional reaction to them when they are happening.
Many New Age teachings can be superficial when it comes to talk of creating our reality and give us spiritual seekers a feeling of guilt, as if painful things are our fault and we created them. This is not true! While we do have the power to transform and create our reality we do not live in a vacuum, many other people and society at large have an impact on our thoughts and our life experience. We have not reached the stage where we are living Gods (although I do believe we have it in us!) just yet.
Although, while we are in a moment of crisis it can feel horrendous it can also sometimes lead us into a more beautiful life. Of course there are other times in life where we may experience suffering or health problems or people we love go through trauma and it doesn’t feel like the promised happy ending at all.
We have all been in this situation at some point in our lives – and often we find ourselves re-visiting the situation several times during our lifetime. The fact is, unwanted change is at some point inevitable. So, when you find yourself experiencing unwanted change, what can you do to ease the often harsh and painful experience?
First – don’t resist it. Denial is one of the stages of grief and when we are in this stage unfortunately we resist the truth of what is going on. The more we resist it and therefore fail to change the situation, the more pain we create for ourselves. Very often if the change involves a loss that is not a death of a person but say the death of a relationship, we forget we need time to grieve. Grief is a process that has no statute of limitations on it and will be different for all of us.
Give yourself permission to take as much time as you need to work through the process and please don’t listen to people who tell you that you should be ‘over it’ by now. Although if you feel it is blocking your life it might be good to get some therapy to resolve the residue emotions. Also, you need to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you are feeling – whether this involves sadness, loss or even intense anger. Remember – what we resist, persists.
Second, we often try to change the situation or outcome and this is also part of the grieving process called negotiation. Now, sometimes in the case of a relationship breakdown, this can work but only if both parties are open to negotiation. However, often the situation is best served by you stepping away and taking a ‘what will be, will be’ approach. Know when you are banging your head against a brick wall and need to do this as again, this will save you more pain.
Many of the worst experiences I have had (especially around betrayal in love) have led me to 10 fold future happiness but it doesn’t always make sense in the moment. We all like to cling to the familiar. Have faith in your souls journey and most importantly love and nurture yourself as if you were your own best friend. What would you advice your best friend to do in any change you are going through now?
No matter what the short term impact of the unwanted change is, try to future project and ask yourself whether or not this will matter ten years down the track? Sometimes in the case of a relationship breakdown, that person you thought you could not live without turns into a very lucky escape when you meet someone new.
While losing your current job brings up feelings of worthlessness and financial anxiety, you know sooner or later you may get another one and again, even two years down the track you may find this was the catalyst for a new and more satisfying career path.
Lastly, think back to the times when unwanted change and loss has happened. See how you coped back then. This allows you to keep this period in perspective as you can call on past coping skills and understand that you will emerge from this time – just as you did before.
Life is a cycle of life, death and rebirth and this cycle is also an emotional one. We are in a constant cycle of change in all ways but the joy of this is that positive change and love can also come into our life when we least expect it.
My thoughts are with all of you going through an unwanted change but believe me when I say you are stronger than you know and you will emerge on the other side where life is sweet once more.
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