Many of our clients have a psychic reading when they are in a toxic relationship and seeking to understand what it means and how to heal. Here are some top tips on how to recover and regain your power.
If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship you know how easy it is to get sucked into a position where you abandon all sense of yourself in order to keep the relationship going. You rationalise that you love the person or that they are your soulmate and that if you stick with them, you can both work it out. But what usually occurs is that you get trapped in a down-ward, soul-destroying spiral where you abandon all your self-worth and your happiness and moods become entirely dependent on the other person.
It takes an enormous amount of courage to leave this kind of relationship and usually we have to arrive at the point where we realise it is a matter of our survival – even if we still have feelings for them. Because we have become so dependent on them we may feel we don’t know how to function on our own any more – let alone how we will live without them. Also, the thought of another relationship can feel terrifying as we fear loss of control and making the wrong choice again.
The truth is, that you were fine before the relationship and you will be fine once more. What you need to do is fall in love again – but this time with yourself to heal your wounds and bring love, light and happiness back into your life once more. It’s far more simple than you may think.
1: Don’t look back. You can waste years staying trapped in the past analysing why the other person did this, but the truth is you may never know. By all means spend some time going over what signs you missed or ignored that the relationship was turning toxic, but once you have identified them, don’t blame yourself and don’t waste any more precious life force by sitting and over-analysing the situation. Why they did what they did is no longer important. What matters now is the present moment.
2: Re-Frame Your Experience: We don’t know the reasons for the soul contracts between ourselves and others. Why some end in a happily ever after and others just the reverse. No matter how your relationship ended, start to see it as an experience that taught you something about the nature of love. This experience then becomes a transformative one as you begin to see it has re-shaped you into someone new and given you a new life.
3: Let go of the pain. Funny as although our conscious minds want the pain to end, our subconscious minds hang on to it as it remains our last link to our ex. When we let go of the pain we let go of our ex. Don’t prolong the agony by reliving the past as it stops you from stepping into the future.
4: Start the process of forgiveness. You may not be ready to forgive your ex but you can forgive yourself. Understand also that someone can profess undying love for you but not be ready on a soul level to be the person they want to be for you. If you cannot forgive their actions, you can forgive them for not being ready and also understand that nobody can ‘make’ them do the work necessary. You have not failed them. They need to come to a place where they understand work needs to be done and elect to do it. This is beyond your control and their own soul path to walk.
5: Don’t try to stop loving them. I know this may sound like a contradiction after what I have said before, but trying to turn off your feelings like a tap doesn’t work. When we fall in love with someone, we will always carry a piece of them in our hearts. But if we have been abused or got to a stage where their behaviour dictates how we feel, then the relationship is toxic. Rather than try to stop loving them all at once, make the agreement with yourself that you will keep that piece of your heart for them but can only do this from afar.
6: Reclaim your self-worth. See that this experience has taught you what you will and won’t compromise on. This is your first major step to loving yourself again as it tells you that you are worthy of a healthy love and respect.
or. Chances are you fought for your relationship. You saw the potential in your ex and you did everything you could to encourage them to live up to this. So, now do the same for yourself. |This can be the hardest step of all if you have been made to feel you will be nothing without them. But it can make all the difference to your healing and to the kind of relationships you attract in the future. To love yourself and fight for yourself shows you are valuable – and deserve the love you are prepared to go the distance for.
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