When we open our hearts to someone, we give them our hearts. Sadly, sometimes that person doesn’t realise how precious and fragile that gift is and we end up broken-hearted instead. When this happens we can be in so much pain that we may not be able to see our way out of it – let alone envisage ever falling in love again. But heartbreak like any other wound, can be healed and in surprisingly few steps.
1. Feel, don’t block the pain. We’re hard-wired to avoid pain and head towards pleasure (or at least what we perceive to be the less painful of two choices!). If you’re reeling from a break up, the fastest way out is through acknowledging the hurt. While it may be tempting to try to numb it with alcohol or other means, the fact is that the sooner we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, the faster healing can begin.
2. Look for the lesson. Do you have a history of bad relationship choices? Do you fall in love with people who may look and seem different but the ending is always the same? If we don’t learn from our past we are doomed to keep repeating it until we do. Take your time and look for patterns or clues that may have been there from the start about where this relationship was ultimately headed and be honest with yourself.
3. Make a commitment to change. When you’ve identified the lessons then resolve to make changes. We can’t change someone else but we can change our behaviour. Learn to quickly identify if you’ve chosen the wrong kind of person again and end it before it goes any further. If you have a pattern of criticising your partner, learn to stop yourself. Or maybe you’re afraid to show your vulnerability with the result prospective partners don’t feel needed. You can only get a different result if you start acting differently!
4. Treat yourself right! If you don’t appreciate yourself how do you expect others to? We learn more from our failures than we do from our successes so please don’t get stuck in a cycle of negativity where you beat yourself up for making the wrong choice yet again. Instead, acknowledge how much you’ve learned and make a list of all the fabulous qualities you have to bring to a new relationship. Now – who wouldn’t want to date you?!
5. Have a vision for the future. Learn from the past but don’t dwell in it. Set yourself a relationship goal and now move on to making a list of the qualities you need in a partner based on what you’ve learned about yourself. The one thing a broken heart can teach us is about what we don’t need which can allow us to get very clear about what we do. You can only manifest something in your life when you have a very clear picture of what it is you need.
Remember, our soul contracts with others are there for our growth – even if the outcome isn’t always what we hoped for. Heartbreak can be devastating but at the end of the day we can use its lessons to find the true and lasting love we are seeking.
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