could the ‘wrong’ person be just right for you?
One says that you should write a detailed list of every single thing that you want, right down to eye colour and the kind of things that they like to do.
Another suggests that you should focus on the energy of how you would like to feel when you are with that person and leave the actual details to the universe.
I’m a big fan of the second approach for a number of reasons.
Don’t focus on the details
Firstly, and especially if you’ve got a few disastrous relationships under your belt, it’s too easy for us to fall into repeating patterns when it comes to looking for partners. The preferences for certain kinds of detail can actually be based on past experience. We might be unconsciously trying to revisit what didn’t work before, hoping that this time it will turn out differently. But any attachment to past experiences can actually draw us backwards in time, when we really want to be going forward.
Along with that, a focus on too much detail can actually represent a limit to our imagination. I always say that there are billions of souls on the planet right now (six before, and apparently now seven at the last count!) and that might mean we are crossing out loads of people who might be just right for us simply because they don’t fit a limited view that we have of what makes us happy.
Interestingly, recent research by psychologists Paul W. Eastwick, Eli J. Finkel and Alice H. Eagly from Northwestern University and Texas A&M University backs me up on this second approach. They studied people who were looking for love. Those they studied did have a checklist of what they were looking for in a potential partner, but all that went out of the window when they actually met someone. They even found that some of the qualities they were hoping for on paper didn’t pan out quite as they hoped in real life. For example, we might think we want someone who is really outgoing and sociable and then end up on the sidelines of their life, wondering when they are going to make some quiet time to spend with us!
The good news coming from the study is that it means that life really can surprise us. Just when we least expect it, we can find ourselves falling for someone who is totally different to our expectations, yet who makes us happy.
So that’s why I think it’s important to focus on how you want to feel, so that when that person comes along you recognise the feeling that you have when you’re with them rather than trying to weigh up whether what they do for a living is along the lines you hoped for.
And if you’re read my other articles, you’ll know that at the point where I said to the universe, you go ahead and find the person who wants to meet someone just like me, and beamed my intention out to signal to them, I met my partner.
That does throw up an interesting question about how we know how to set an intention around a feeling if we’ve never had that feeling before. That deserves an article of it’s own, so keep your eye out as I’ll post it here soon!
Loads of love,
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