It might seem strange, but often when we set about consciously co-creating the life we want, our fears can interfere to a point where we put huge roadblocks around our
That can work in two ways. Either we ‘dream small’ because we are dreaming from that part of ourselves that is actually scared of change, success or getting what we want, or because part of us wants big and beautiful things to happen but there is another part of us fighting tooth and nail to stick with what’s familiar, even if we don’t like it much!
In her book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers points out that if we want to grow we are constantly pushing up against the edge of our comfort zone and learning how to handle our fears is an essential step in managing that growth. This is one of the books I read in one sitting when I was a young mother of around 20 years old. What she she said felt like a revelation and it really inspired and helped me in so many ways.
So how can we go about dealing with that part of ourselves that could be holding us back?
1/Learn to recognise it. Sometimes it’s as clear as a voice in our heads that shouts
that we want to stay where we are or go backwards. But the different parts of ourselves can try and get through to our conscious mind in loads of different ways – you might get physical sensations such as a lurching tummy or a tightening across the shoulders. Or your dreams might get really vivid.
2/Give it space. Trying to squash it back down will only make it push harder to get
its message through to you and you’ll end up feeling and internal push pull, or it can even leak out in tricky self-sabotage, like ‘forgetting’ that important interview for your dream job or getting lost en route.
3/Look who’s talking. Often, when we give that part of ourselves space to express
itself, we discover that it’s a much younger part of us, a part that has been hurt in a similar scenario before and is anxious not to repeat anything that looks like the same experience or even someone else entirely, like the voice of a figure who once had authority over us and who undermined us in some way. It’s trickier if it’s coming through in body sensations, but then you can ask yourself, ‘when did I first feel this feeling?’ and you’ll usually get a flash insight of being told off at school or a teenage romance that ended in heartbreak.
4/Reassure it. Thank it for speaking out. If it’s a very young part of you, let it know that you’re in charge and will take care of things now. If it’s an echo of a message that came from someone else, you can send them the message that you appreciated that it might have meant to act in your best interests at the time, but you’re a different person now, older wiser and far more able to handle what’s going on.
5/Hand it over. If you feel that it’s too ‘big’ for you to deal with, ask the universe, the divine or whatever else you believe in to embrace it and nurture it so that it doesn’t have to feel scared any more.
6/Be willing to keep working with it as long as necessary. You might find that once is
enough, or you might need to be there as it pops up again in the future. Over time, it will lose its grip.
The Course in Miracles tells us that everything boils down to love and fear. When we
learn to lovingly handle our fears, we are left with pure love, even for those parts of ourselves that might be trying to hold us back. And from there, we can truly move on.
Loads of love,
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