When we are seeking that special relationship we can become so fixated on how/when/where we will meet them and what qualities they will have that we forget to look at the other 50% of the equation – and that’s us! If we are looking to attract an authentic partner then we have to begin by being authentic ourselves. This begins by becoming aware of what we are agreeing to in our lives – in other words – where we are saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’.
You may now be asking what this has to do with attracting romance into our lives – or anything else we may desire for that matter. Well, when we say ‘Yes’ but actually mean ‘No’ we are not coming from a place of authenticity and power. Having the courage to stand up for what we want and to say what we mean – to put pleasing ourselves first rather than just pleasing other people, reconnects us to our truth and to our self-worth. It sends a message to the universe that we value ourselves. Very often we grow up conditioned to people-please. We are told either covertly or even overtly that pleasing others is more important that pleasing ourselves. On doing this we become increasingly disempowered and if we continue doing so, this can lead to us no longer knowing what it is we truly want.
When you look at it in this way – if we don’t know what we want how can we know if a relationship is actually right for us? If we’ve stopped respecting ourselves how can we hope to gain our partner’s respect should we find ourselves in a relationship? And if we are coming from a place where we no longer consider our needs to be important, it’s highly likely we’ll be unable to attract the right kind of relationship in any case.
So, if you’re single and still seeking, take the time right now to have a Yes and No audit. Think back to all the times you can remember when you said ‘Yes’ to someone’s request – but really wanted to say ‘No’ instead. How many times has this happened in the past in a relationship? When did the idea that you are not allowed to say ‘No’ to someone you care about – ever – begin? Usually this starts early on with our families. Think back to how you really felt when you agreed or felt pressured into doing something you really didn’t. And most importantly of all – do you think that if you say ‘No’ to someone they won’t like or love you anymore? Very often we say ‘Yes’ when we want to say ‘No’ out of fear – fear that we will lose the person. But the fact is that numerous psychological studies have proved that the people who are unafraid to stand up for themselves and don’t people-please are the ones who have the most successful relationships.
The ability to agree only when we want to, and to say ‘No’ and set boundaries with confidence has a beneficial effect across all areas of our lives. Operating from a place of authenticity is what opens up our hearts and makes us unafraid to let love in. We know we have the skills then to make good choices – both in love and in every other area. It lets potential partners know that we are someone to be valued. It sends out the right ‘vibe’ to the universe – a major factor in attracting someone whose energy matches our own. So – don’t be afraid to say ‘Yes’ to love, an ‘No’ when you need to show you love yourself as well.
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