6 steps to transform unrequited love into real relationships
What are you getting out of it?
Usually when you do something you do it for a good reason – even if it doesn’t end up with the result you want. It’s like over-eating… you know it’s not good for you but it gives you comfort and enjoyment and is probably related to an unconscious fear on a soul level.
So what good is your crush doing you?
You want a connection … and if you can’t have it, for whatever reason, that means you’re free to have glorious fantasies about how incredible it would feel to know that person on an intimate level. Fantasy naturally never lives up to reality – it is fantasy’s job not to!
But if you are feeling lonely, bored, unappreciated or unloved, fantasy, at least temporarily, soothes your pain. Fantasy satisfies your need for love, acceptance and sexual excitement, and provides something even more important – hope.
Gotta love hope!
It’s the hope that’s keeping you going, and hope is always a beautiful, worthwhile emotion. It certainly feels preferable to living with the stark reality that he or she cannot return your love. Even though logically you know the relationship can’t go anywhere, the hope you feel in your heart is real and true – and it is going to cure you. You are going to direct the optimistic emotions of your unrequited crush into helping you find someone who can return all your desires and longings
It’s the human condition to yearn for a connection with another that’s so transcendent that real life pales in comparison. In your fantasy you can explore the imagined shared heights of emotion and ecstasy that are so overwhelming they create a real, physical response in you. The instinct to merge in this powerful, spiritual union is so compelling… and yet in real life it can be an elusive, feeling occurrence – even in truly happy relationships.
The person you meet in your mind is probably nothing like the real person anyway, but a concoction of your own romantic longings and spiritual desire to merge with something greater than yourself.
The differences between the boundless possibilities of your imagination and what you have been given to work with on this Earth are often very difficult to reconcile. But this does not mean you have to give up on your dreams!
To snap you out of your glorious daydream and put all that wonderful hopeful energy into something that’s actually going to get you what you want, you’re going to need the following things:
Two large pieces of paper and a pen
A photo or image of your unrequited love
A daffodil (or any spring flower)
One white candle
Step1: setting the scene
Make sure you won’t be disturbed for an hour or so and find a peaceful place. Settle your mind, try not to dwell too long on any negatives or positives and let your thoughts drift by.
Place your unrequited love’s picture in the centre of one piece of paper, and the daffodil in the other. The flower symbolises the energy of spring, of the power to give birth to bright new ideas. Write ‘hope’ on the paper with the flower. Light the candle, which represents your optimism to be able to channel your energies into manifesting something more fulfilling.
Step 2: wallow in it
Explore you fantasies about your unrequited person – your longings, what it is about them that is so special? What feelings so they inspire in you? Why are they so beautiful? What do you want from them? What are your hopes for the future with this person? Write anything that comes to mind around their picture.
Step 3: words and feelings
Look at the words you have written down and transfer any that are not specific to your crush; for example general ideas such as: love, security, happiness, acknowledgement and write them on the hope paper. Think of any qualities not embodied by your unrequited love that would be desirable in a future partner and write them on the hope sheet. Add any words, colours or doodles that feel hopeful, optimistic and true.
Step 4: cheerio old fantasy
Fold your unrequited love’s paper into as small a package as possible and tie it with string. While you are doing this thank your unrequited person for the wonderful daydreams. Thank them for making you aware of what you need and are missing in your life. Understand in your heart that hope is not lost but that you are channelling that optimism into creating new love. It is time to re-direct all that longing and want into finding someone who can return your needs. Now tell your unrequited love that it is time to go.
Step 5: hello new love
Fold your Hope parcel down to as small as it will go and tie it with string. While you are doing this, ask the Universe to see you and acknowledge that you are taking positive steps to create new love in your life. Think of the words and emotions written on the hope paper and ask for these to be returned to you. Know that what you are creating is much more positive than dwelling in a situation where you never get what you want.
Step 6: continuation
Place the unrequited parcel in the sink and wash it in water from the tap, imagining the unrequited love’s hold on you pouring down the sink. Then take the soggy parcel to a compost heap, or bury it somewhere you won’t encounter it again.
Place your hope parcel somewhere out of sight of other people, but where you will know of its presence every day. Every time you pass by it, ask for the things you need… ask for love, intimacy, passion, understanding, excitement, contentment, security… whatever your un-fulfilled longings are.
Hope springs eternal
Soon the pain of your unrequited love will lessen. This is because you are claiming your hopes and longings as conscious, controllable energies rather than empty fantasies. Any time you feel tempted to lose yourself in those old patterns, remember you invented this person to represent the things you need or are missing in your life, and that they are separate to those longings. If it helps, think of them on the compost heap! Then remember the positive energies used to create your parcel of hope.
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