Finding Love: Are You Finding Excuses To Say No?

You know, getting what we want is a funny thing. Often what we want the most also scares us the most but we’re usually not aware of that. Hence when we’re confronted by what we’ve been trying so hard to Quantum Create we can self-sabotage – usually by rejecting what’s appeared. And there’s no area where we’re more likely to do this than love – although I have to say career runs this a close second!

The most common way we sabotage ourselves in relationships is to push away love when it turns up. We don’t want to remain single and we can be actively engaged in searching for a partner. But then when someone does turn up, we look for ways to reject them and say ‘no’. They’re too young/old/short/tall/fat/thin. They like sports. We hate sports. We’re vegetarian. They eat meat. We want to go out and party and they want to stay in and play World of Warcraft. The list can go on and on with innumerable variations but one things remains constant – this is all superficial stuff and not the basis for rejecting someone.

Of course there has to be a ‘click’ or some chemistry between you. But this can even, sometimes especially, happen when we feel a real love connection. First, ask yourself if they are looking for the same things in a relationship that you are. Are your values the same? Trust, honesty, friendship and respect are the long term building blocks of love as well as some level of attraction. How do they make you feel when you are with them? Do you look forward to seeing them? Do they bring out the best in you? If so, what does it matter that they may not conform to your previous notions of your ideal ‘type’ – and perhaps it’s time to look honestly at what falling for that type in the past got you – clearly not the outcome you wanted otherwise you wouldn’t still be looking! When we make a different choice we get a different outcome.

The prospect of getting what we want can push all kinds of buttons for us – and these buttons are usually all marked ‘Fear’ in some form or other. We can have a fear of intimacy, a fear of being abandoned or a fear of literally losing our identity if we become too close to someone no matter how much we want to. All of these can make us reject a prospective partner for no good reason.

It’s good to meditate and reflect on our past love relationships, is this following a pattern? What is our love pattern? Our love vibration usually draws to us similar experiences but the good news is that we can change our love vibration and create more healthy relationships.

I’m not saying you should persist with a connection that you truly believe has no future, only that the next time you reject someone as a potential partner, you are willing to examine the real reasons behind why you are doing it. Do you fear letting someone get close enough to love you? If so, be brave enough to probe deeper and see where this fear originated. By doing this you bring the fear into consciousness where you can see it for what it is – something you created to protect yourself but you now know you don’t need to do that anymore as you are capable of making loving decisions towards yourself when it comes to love.