Carrying on with my series looking at love in the long term, all relationships are different but good ones do seem to share certain things in common. To see how your relationship shapes up, try this quiz.
Do you have fun together?
a) Yes, lots. Even if we’re just doing something ordinary, we can get each other laughing.
b) Sometimes. Not so much of late.
c) No. I can’t remember the last time we both laughed at the same thing.
Do you trust your partner?
a) I trust them totally.
b) Sometimes I do check up on them or suddenly find myself wondering if they are telling me the whole truth, but it passes.
c) Not really. I check their emails and texts whenever I get the chance or if something has got me suspicious.
Does your partner ever put you down?
a) No, never.
b) Not really. Sometimes they say things that upset me, but it’s usually them being a bit clumsy rather than actually trying to hurt me
c) Yes. A lot. Especially if I try to talk about anything important to me.
If you run into a problem in your relationship, how do you both sort it out?
a) We talk it through.
b) We argue sometimes but we usually find a way through.
c) We can’t really talk about anything because it always seems to end in a row and goes nowhere. If something is bothering me, I just stay quiet about it.
If you ran into a problem outside of your relationship, would you talk about it with your partner?
a) Yes. They are usually the first person I talk to.
b) I can talk about most things but some things I would go to my friends first.
c) No. I have tried, but they don’t really listen or usually say something that makes me feel worse.
When it comes to what you think is important in life, how closely do they match what your partner thinks is important?
a) We’re a good match. We might disagree on details sometimes, but we both share the big picture.
b) Pretty close. Sometimes we just can’t see eye to eye but it isn’t major.
c) We don’t see eye to eye at all and it does cause a lot of rows.
Do you and your partner want the same things out of life?
a) Yes. We’ve talked about what we want for us in the long term and we both have the same idea of where we’re heading as a couple.
b) Mostly. It’s a bit of a compromise really, but that’s what relationships are all about.
c) No. I do feel that if I was to really follow what I thought was right for me, we’d be heading in totally different directions.
Do you still fancy each other?
a) Oh yes. We can be like a couple of teenagers.
b) Yes. We have a pretty good sexual relationship, when we’re not too tired.
c) There’s a bit of a problem there. We don’t really sleep together any more.
Do you support each other in terms of what you both want to achieve as individuals?
a) Completely. If there’s something either of us want to do, we give each other loads of encouragement and practical support.
b) As much as we can but life does seem to get in the way a lot.
c) Not really. I know if there was something I wanted to do, I’d basically be going it alone.
How committed are you to staying together?
a) One hundred per cent. More as time goes by.
b) Very committed. We have our ups and downs like anyone else but I think we’ll make it through.
c) If I’m honest, I think we both think about ending it sometimes. I’m not really sure why we’re together.
You’ve got a good mix of trust, friendship, fun, sex, communication and common ground. Keep doing what you’re doing. There’s no one model of relationships that fits all these days, but the ones that stay fresh and go the distance have mechanisms in place that mean you can evolve as individuals and the relationship that you’re in also has space to move and breathe. Keep one finger on the pulse of what you have so that if anything starts to drag it off track, you can come back and reconnect with each other. At one time, relationships were ruled by the idea that you fell in love at the beginning and stayed there without moving for the rest of your lives. These days, it’s understood that relationships are a lot more dynamic, that they undergo lots of shifts and changes over time but that the important thing is that people actually fall in love over and over again and that’s what keeps them together.
You’ve got a fairly strong basis for a relationship that can last for the long haul. People with good relationships can compare their relationships with the kind of mythical ideals they see in movies and the media and feel as though they are missing out when actually what they have is very strong. If it does seem as though sometimes dealing with daily life is getting in the way of the time you’d like to spend together or the things that you’d like to do when you grab some time alone, you might think about finding little ways of keeping that special connection that you do have alive. Relationships that go the distance need to be strong enough to weather times when other things demand energy that you might otherwise put into the relationship itself, like when one partner has to work long hours or when you have children. That’s when the underlying commitment that you have to the big picture and staying together in the long term comes in and you know that any tough or challenging times are only temporary, but you are both dedicated to seeing them through together.
How do you feel about your relationship after doing this quiz? Has it thrown up a few questions about your relationship or whether it’s what you want? If you’ve ticked the answer that says you aren’t really sure why you are still together, maybe it’s time for some really deep soul searching. All of our relationships teach us important spiritual lessons and mirror something in us. All good relationships start with self love and a commitment to our own personal and spiritual growth as well as a loving commitment to the relationship itself. Have you fallen out love with you somewhere along the way? Read the other articles on this site to learn more about how you can love and nurture yourself and what effect even just doing that can have on any relationships that you have. One of the deepest spiritual truths is that when we change, the things and people around us change too. Begin by putting some real time and commitment into loving yourself for the amazing, unique soul that you are and see what happens.
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