Is it ever good to go back?
Some say that you should never get back with an ex. I believe in life that there are no hard and fast rules and that every situation should be looked at on a case by case basis, but there is such a thing as making a wise choice that comes from considering all the pros and cons! If you’re thinking of going back rather than moving on, take a look at the following revealing questions designed to shed some light on the decision you make.
Are you happy in your own company and your own skin? Actually, this one applies whether you’re getting back with an ex or going into a new relationship. We are all divine works in progress, but lurching back towards an ex because you feel unable to be alone can lead to a dependency trap that you want to avoid. So, are you content within your own life? Do you adore you and do you know why someone would fall in love with you?
Why did you break up? There are blissfully happy couples who dated when they were very young, separated when life took them in different directions and reconnected at the point where they were mature and ready for a deep commitment, but this is very different from a situation where for example you broke up because one of you had an affair. It is possible to forgive, forget, move on and get back together if that’s the case, but any lingering mistrust, hurt, resentment or anger from the past will seep into the present. Would the relationship be carved on a totally clean slate? Do you trust and forgive them or yourself?
Are you going back on better or at least equal terms? One of my friends who was at the time desperately in love with a commitment phobe who had run away got involved with him again on the understanding that it would be more casual, only to find out she was now one of many women he was seeing and exclaimed, ‘Oh my God, I’ve been downgraded from girlfriend to harem!’. When we feel crazily in love with someone, we can agree to terms that we can’t actually accept just to be with them and sell ourselves short. It’s also possible that after breaking up and playing the field with some casual dating, we might get back with our ex at the point where we are ready for a commitment that is based on sound and solid terms. Hand on heart, does the new deal work for you on every level?
What does your gut feel tell you? We all have psychic intuition, but I really can’t emphasise enough that the fastest way to block it is to ignore it! If the red flags are out flying in force and you are pushing yourself forward regardless, you often end up later down the line wanting to kick yourself from here to Arkansas for ignoring your precious psychic compass. Is your intuition telling you that this is a good thing?
Are you good together? This is nothing like the situation where either of you are looking for someone to fill any emotional holes. This is about, is this a relationship that helps you both be the best individuals that you can be? Is there space for you to grow on your own journeys just as much as there is for you to connect? All relationships require a degree of work, but there’s a huge difference between negotiating the ups and downs of life as a couple and going at it War of the Roses style and you ending up as someone you don’t recognise as a result. Are you confident that this relationship will allow you to continue along your own path of growth?
Love does amazing things for us but when it becomes tinged with desperation it can also send us into a loop of delusion too. If your ex has relocated across the country, is dating anyone else, and you haven’t heard from them for ages, the likelihood is that they’ve moved on. Moving on is always a good thing to do anyhow because it clears any stagnant energy that can crazy up the flow of how things unfold and puts you in a win win situation. If they do come back, you’re fine, and if they don’t, you’re fine. If you are waiting like Miss Havisham in a dusty wedding dress hoping that your ex will return against all the odds, it’s best to get very grounded, throw out any ideas of soul mates or karmic connections that keep us hanging on and ask, are they in front of me asking for another chance?
Can you talk? Are you staying very quiet about things to keep the peace in case you rock the boat of your reconciliation that actually need discussing as in, have you got that violent temper under control now darling, or are you still spending thousands each month on gambling, or anything like that? This can come along with accepting less than your due second or third time around, but if you find that you can’t even raise sensitive subjects that need ironing out, you’re rebuilding on a fault line. So, can you raise any concerns and have a reasonable discussion?
Add up the number of yeses and nos and take a look at the results.
It certainly seems as though you’re on a very strong footing to go forward into something new and yet familiar. You have the advantage of knowing each other intimately and that means you can create something even deeper this time. Just be mindful to keep the focus on the present that you share and the future you want to create as it’s sometimes easy to fall back into old patterns in familiar surroundings – a bit like when sometimes as grown-ups we fall back into being truculent teenagers when we go back to our parents for Christmas! You are constantly evolving and so is the other person, so set your intention to consciously create a beautiful, loving relationship and keep your eyes on this site for any spiritual tips or practical wisdom that might help!
The choices we make in relationships are deeply connected to how we feel about ourselves, what we think we are worth and the beliefs about love and relationships that we hold. Hopefully, just doing this quiz will have shone a light on some of the areas that you need to spend some time really thinking about. Do you feel that you are worthy of love? Do you trust the universe to deliver you the relationship that is absolutely right for you, or are you clinging on to a hope that this time around it will all somehow magically be different? If you absolutely knew for sure that you could attract a beautiful, loving, equal relationship, would you even be thinking about going back with this person? Only you can decide what to do and what is right for you. To help you decide, take some time out and imagine what your life will be like in five years time with this person if absolutely nothing changes and things stay the way that they are. People can change, but if you are going back ignoring huge warning signs and committing to the relationship you hope you will have rather than the one you will actually have, you may be in for a journey that is more difficult than it needs to be. Make a commitment to yourself, your happiness, growth and wellbeing and ask yourself, what is the best decision I can make for my highest good? You’ll find loads of ideas and ways to go about attracting love on this site. Know that you are lovable and that you can draw in love that is actually right for you.
A mixture of Yes and No
There are great many good things you can build on, but the questions that you have answered no to reveal areas where it’s worth examining why you want to go back and what it will be like if you do. Where you have answered no, read the above answer to see the kind of questions it would be good to ask. As always, the future is yours to create and it’s best to create from a place of true wisdom and insight.
Most of all KNOW you are loveable and actually love is everywhere if we deal with our fear. You are the Magician of your life and a unique part of a greater consciousness. Within that vast consciousness are other energies just write for you to learn and grow. Love is our greatest teacher and a fast track to evolving our soul. You are as loveable as everyone else!