The Course in Miracles tells us that there are only two emotions in the Universe – love and fear. Over and over again, when people are struggling with problems related to love, it really does seem to me that fear is at the bottom of it all. Fear that we are unlovable, fear that there isn’t enough to go around, fear that we are going to lose someone we love, or, if a relationship has ended, fear that they won’t come back and that if they don’t we will never go on to love or be loved again.
Just for a moment stop and think how your life would be if you never again felt one moment of fear.
Energetically, Love and fear can’t be in the same space. Fear makes us clingy and insecure. From a conscious creator perspective, fear sets up a crazy vibration where we can push ourselves towards creating something which is the absolute opposite of our desire.
So how can we love fearlessly?
1/Trust the universe and remember that what is for you cannot pass you by. We are fated to have some experiences in our lives, but how we respond to whatever happens creates our destiny and it’s more powerful if you put your focus on creating your destiny rather than trying to analyse what might or might not be fate! A problem I often see is that two people meet, they might have a relationship but then one person moves on and then the other person is left devastated, especially if they hang on to the idea that they’ve blown their one chance for love and happiness. Really, it’s very simple. If you meet someone and they don’t want to be with you, they might have been right for that moment or that experience, but they weren’t the one for you to create a long lasting relationship with! Rather than plunging into a downward spiral of trying desperately to get someone back, which pushes them away even further, what we really need to do at such times and all along in fact is stay true to ourselves, love ourselves and be clear about the kind of love we want to draw in. The easy way to differentiate between what’s for you and what isn’t is that with the right person you still have your ups and downs but overall you feel centred and stay true to yourself and your own life path. If you start to feel crazy, desperate and addicted in the sense that you feel you can’t live without them and all of the other areas of your life start to suffer through being around them, either you’ve got some work to do, they’ve got some work to do or your relationship needs transforming for it to be the right long term one for you!
2/If you meet someone you feel is really special and find that you are driving you or even both of you crazy by constantly questioning them or what they are up to, know that you have absolutely nothing to lose by trusting yourself and them. We all have to learn to discern between our instincts that are alerting us to someone being up to something that is harmful to us and the kind of paranoia that comes from insecurity that makes us want to cling to people so that they can’t breathe. That in itself is a huge area, but in a nutshell, if you run the same patterns with everyone you’ve been involved with, it’s likely that you need to take a deeper look at why you might be feeling as you do. If you find yourself behaving in a way that you just don’t recognise – checking their texts or cross examining them about where they’ve been or who they’ve been with – and they are giving you plenty of clues that they aren’t being honest with you, then it might be them.
3/Stalk your thoughts. The Toltecs were an ancient race with a rich body of shamanic wisdom. Toltec wisdom tells us that stalking our thoughts is one of the ways that we can bring about our spiritual growth. To do that, we have to start by understanding that our thoughts are often shadows of the world rather than clear representations of the world. Being able to take a detached view of what we think alerts us to those times where we are veering towards the kind of thoughts that actually slow us down from creating what we want. Thoughts like, ‘No one could ever love me’, or the ones that run along the lines of ‘If they don’t want me/leave me my life is over/I can never be happy’ need to be confronted and replaced with the truth – that we are already complete as we are, that we are already loved and that we are powerful creators. No one person gets to determine our destiny.
4/Remember the truth. You are unique, extraordinary, amazing and lovable just as you are. You are a part of the whole, made from love and here to express your true essence.
5/If you’re single, know that love arrives in ways you least expect it. Every love story has to start somewhere and every single person who has every fallen in love didn’t know when they woke up on the morning that it happened that they were going to meet someone in just a few hours time. Knowing that you just don’t know when it will be your moment is a far better vibrational thought that the conviction that it will never happen for you!
6/Over the next few weeks, you can work with affirmations or mantras. I personally love ‘what is for me cannot pass me by’ – it’s one of my go-to mantras that puts me back in a state of knowing that all is right in my universe even when the surface looks frantic and frazzled as it can do in my busy life! Or, if it feels better for you, you can simply say, ‘I am a unique shard of the divine and love flows effortlessly through me’.
Loads of love,
A version of this article first appeared in Spirit and Destiny Magazine.
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