The cry for help that I most often hear is from people where a romantic relationship has ended and they feel that they have lost their soul mate. It’s never easy when a relationship ends, but just the idea that we have lost our soul mate can hurl us into a pit of devastation it seems impossible to climb out.
That’s why I feel it’s always important to remember what a soul mate actually is. A soul mate can mean many different things to different people, it is a very confusing term but one that can imprison us. I believe a soul mate is someone with whom we share a soul agreement to meet up in this lifetime so that we can learn something that, if we can only embrace the lesson with courage, will actually reveal more of our soul’s strength and depth to us.
I can look back through my own life and recognise that I’ve had relationships with many people who have come in to teach me or push me further along my path and I can also see that where I’ve actually sat down and tried to work out what I’m supposed to be getting rather than getting lost in the pain, I can move on much faster. If you find that you’re so immersed in the pain that you can’t even begin to think clearly about what the divine purpose of the relationship was, hand it over to the universe or God or your higher self or whatever divine power you believe in. I’ve done this myself and it really does work. Just say, okay, this is too big for me right now but I’m willing to let it go so that I can see clearly and I trust that the divine truth will be revealed. I hand it over to the universe and the universe will take care of it forme. Do that with total commitment and you can feel a shift in your own energy right away, and every time you feel yourself overwhelmed again, you just repeat, ‘I hand this over’. The storm of feelings will subside and you will begin to see things in a new light.
Another thing to remember is that we can have more than one soul mate and they come in many shapes and guises throughout our lifetime. Yes, we may have a romantic connection with a soul mate, but they can also appear in the form of our colleagues, family members, friends, neighbours – and even the people who push all of our buttons. So, every time your mind starts wandering to your lost love and you hear yourself saying, there goes my soul mate – I want you to shake yourself and make a picture of the person who absolutely drives you up the wall yet somehow or for some reason you can’t get away from, and think – and this is my soul mate too – and I thank the universe for them all!
It makes a huge difference if we remember that spiritual truth that we have more than one soul mate, because often our pain comes from the belief that a soul mate is a romantic partner who is destined to be with us for the whole of our lives and that we have only one. Just that particular cluster of beliefs is going to intensify pain into total anguish and loss into devastation. The truth is that you have loads of soul mates and can have more than one of any one kind.
Another thing to consider is that they might not be your soul mate at all. You might have just had an encounter with someone with whom you share a past life connection, which can feel crazy and intense and involve huge amounts of drama that can leave you reeling. On a much more mundane level, you might be feeling totally floored because you’ve been involved with someone to whom you gave all of your power and will, pouring all of your energy into them to a point where it was inevitable that if they stepped away you would fall over! Really, on one level it doesn’t matter if they were a soul mate, a past life connection or just someone you loved too much in the wrong way and you shouldn’t get lost in trying to work out which one they were because the solution to an encounter with any one of these is the same. Reclaiming your power, calling back those parts of you that you have effectively handed over to
someone else, is the way to bring back strength and stability into your own life.
Ultimately, we are here to grow and evolve and it seems that the lessons we most remember are those that do involve some kind of pain (I don’t believe we’re only here to tough it out and temper our spirit through the storms – we can learn just as much from good experiences but we can filter these out as being hugely significant times of spiritual growth!) and the onesthat stretch us furthest are around love.
When they do leave, are they gone for good? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I am today friends with some ex partners. Be very sure that if you want to do that you swim in clear waters only. In other words, you are genuinely friends and not hanging in there secretly hoping they’ll come back as that sets up a power imbalance that is no good for you. It’s not always practical, but in those cases it’s better to do what a friend of mine did at the point where she realised trying to stay friends with a soul mate who had left and become involved with someone else was akin to agreeing to having her heart torn out on a daily basis with no anaesthetic. She literally hauled herself across to the other side of the world to get away. And sometimes, yes, they do return as our romantic partners – but hanging and clinging and desperately hoping that they will works totally against you in that it can send out an energy blast that shoves them away. Your job at such times is to muster all of your strength and energy and pouring it into nurturing you, not leaking it after the one you hope will return.
As I always say, we are here to love, but not to lose ourselves in love. And what is for you cannot pass you by. Love you, know that you are love and already adored by the
universe. Ask and you will receive, so ask the right questions. Not, is he or she coming back, or what did I do wrong, or why did it have to end. Ask for help in carrying your feelings or dealing with practical stuff that you might have to sort out. Ask for allies along your journey. Ask the universe to show you who already loves you right now, just as you are. Ask for help in seeing what that relationship came into your life to help you learn. Keep asking those questions with an absolute certainty that an answer will come and it will.
I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and times where I really didn’t think I could bear the pain I felt for one second longer, but today I look back and blow kisses at people who are no longer my romantic partners because I understand the gifts they brought me and why we shared the time together that we did – which was a journey that took me to my beautiful partner, and only because I was willing to walk it.
I know that if right now you are reading this because you are trying to find a way through your own pain following the end of a relationship, you will get through it to a place you never even dreamed you could reach. Also I always advice people to stop using the term ‘soul mate’ as it can stop us moving on. Our brain creates neural pathways when we believe things strongly and it can stop us moving on as our brain is convinced if we have met someone we have labelled ‘soul mate’ no one else will do when this is simply an idea rather than the truth. Reprogramme yourself to KNOW that love is everywhere and the sooner you know it so will it be!
Loads of love
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I’ve been creating my Knight-Waite tarot deck for three years.
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