I was talking with a friend the other day who is in one of those intense, on-off relationships that are brilliant for losing weight but play havoc with your peace of mind. Even though she was talking to me, she was obviously elsewhere and admitted that she was totally consumed by the detail of every moment that they spent together and floored by the agony it caused when they were apart.
There was clearly a strong karmic link in this relationship that made it even more compelling, but karma brings people together for many reasons. It could be that the purpose of their karmic link was to help her learn about the temptations and dangers involved in totally giving all of your power to another person.
We are here to love but not to lose ourselves completely in love. Even in long term relationships, it’s important to practice letting go and taking time out to honour yourself. You should still follow your own bliss and be able to be happy in your own company. Doing this creates a space that allows the other person to step forward and recreate the passion that brought you together over and over again. By continually clinging on, you lose that you that attracted your partner in the first place and run the risk of letting the energy between you go stale. Letting go feels risky, but it isn’t really. It’s far riskier to cling on to something and force it into a stalemate of dependency, or even towards total collapse.
How do you stay in your own power, even when love has knocked you for six? At least once a week, so something for you, either alone or with your friends. Instead of eating in front of the television, lay yourself a place, light candles and make it an occasion. Buy yourself a beautiful bunch of flowers. Go see a film that makes you laugh or read a book that inspires you. Honour the fact that you are absolutely unique and worthy of attention and the world – and your beloved – will mirror that back to you.
My boyfriend ended our relationship out of the blue last year and, even though I know I should have moved on by now, I just can’t. What should I do?
You could meet your perfect partner on the bus tomorrow – but what would be the point? The universe can’t bring in new love when you’re stuck in the old. Perform a ritual of letting go. Take a piece of paper and write out everything that you feel – all the love, all the pain, all the grief. Then take something that represents him, such as a photograph, and burn everything, saying as you do, “I release you to the universe and send you on with blessings. I open myself to new love.’ If you can, bury the ashes of the fire somewhere they won’t be dug up! You might feel an outpouring of emotions as you do this ritual, but the energy should shift!
I adore these gorgeous smelling Reiki candles that are designed to attract and magnify love in your life. At home, I burn candles every night and often when I take a bath. Every time I light a candle I turn it into a little ritual, saying a short blessing or a prayer for something I want for myself or someone I love. If you do that, it’s best to stick to wishing for things like love, joy or healing. When friends come round for dinner we always light one candle each in our candelabra and make our silent wishes and prayers before sitting down to eat!
Quotes to Lift Your Heart
I love this quote from Marianne Williamson, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”
As love begins with the self, I thought we’d start with self love! Make a date with you, treat yourself to some fabulous rose scented massage oil (or put a few drops of rose essential oil in a light oil, such as almond oil) and give yourself a top to toe massage. Be present in your body and make love to yourself. Feel what relaxes you and what turns you on. It isn’t essential that you make this a sexual experience. The important thing is that you experience yourself and treat your body as sacred. Celebrate your own divinity. If you find that doing this brings up powerful emotions of not feeling good enough or hating certain parts of your body, hold yourself as tenderly as you would hold someone else and stay with the feelings until they pass. Do this on a regular basis to build a loving, healthy relationship with your own body so that when you do share it with someone else you can do it with complete joy!
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