If you’re working towards your goals then it’s likely that your personal radar is already tuned in to those people in your circle who drain your energy or are unable to offer you encouragement or support. We all know that misery loves company and so often friends are so afraid of owning their own power they would rather keep us powerless with them by throwing cold water on our dreams. These kinds of situations are easy to spot. However, there’s a more subtle and insidious way even the most supportive friends can slow down or stop us from reaching our goals even without them or us knowing about it. And that’s just by engaging in negative talk. It works like this. Say most of your friends are coupled up and your main goal right now is to find a loving, supportive partner. Your friends also want you to find someone. Yet, when you get together your friends complain about their partners. One of them says he doesn’t spend enough time with the kids. Another complains hers doesn’t help enough around the house and is off with all the time with his mates. Yet another friend complains that the guys she dates dump her after the second date. While on an intellectual level your conscious mind is very clear about the kind of partner you want and knows you can achieve your goal here is what your unconscious mind makes of all this: ‘See, even if you have a partner you could just end up doing everything yourself. Look at Jane’s husband. Never there. She could almost be a single mum for all the effort he puts in. And Sonia’s husband is just downright disrespectful and inconsiderate. No way would you put up with that. And as for those guys Claire meets – this just proves there’s nobody decent out there looking for a long-term connection. Let me tell you we are so much better off on our own.’
Our subconscious mind’s job is to protect us. It hears all this negative feedback from friends which runs counter to our goals which then ensures it will stop us from achieving them – because it’s job is to protect us from pain! Say your goal is a fabulous new job. You meet up with a friend who has a high-flying, high profile career which pays very well. But during your time together she tells you how tired she is, how demanding the job and her boss are and that all she does in her down time is sleep. Here is what your subconscious makes of this: ‘So she earns a fortune but for what? She’s never in that home she bought to enjoy it or if she is she’s unconscious! And she never has time to date let alone form a meaningful connection. This just proves success is too high a price to pay. Let me tell you, we are so much better off at our mind-numbing data entry job at Amalgamated Nuts & Grommets.’
What we need to bear in mind is that words are power! The way we phrase or use words are literally like magic spells that create our future – otherwise why would we bother with affirmations? When our subconscious mind hears words phrased in a way that seems negative, it does its utmost to make sure we don’t have to deal with a similar scenario in our lives. So, we can literally be ‘weaving’ the most powerful spells that will determine our future without realising it. Once we become aware of this however, we can literally harness the power of words to transform not only our lives, but the lives of those closest to us because what we are missing in these situations (aside from the situations themselves that is!) is a chance for growth and empowerment – not just for ourselves but for our friends also. Let’s go back to the first situation. You’re now aware of the fact that your friends dissing their partners or talking about their lack of success on the dating scene could be having a big impact on your search for a partner for your own. So – Word Magic allows you to change the focus. If a friend is complaining about something her partner has done (again), remind her of something he or she has done or does that she really appreciates. ‘Yes, I know Sam doesn’t always spend as much time with the kids as you’d like – but didn’t you mention he often cooks the dinner for you?’ And if you have a friend who doesn’t have a lot of success meeting potential partners – you could always suggest you get together to swap dating tips and just remind her that there are nice guys out there and that a few frogs is all part of finding them. Chances are if you have a friend who is successful in their career that even though their job is demanding there are other benefits to it other than money and long hours. You could remind him or her of the conference they attended at the fabulous resort or the big project they got so much kudos for. By doing this you not only change the way your friends look at their situation but allow your subconscious to replace any negative associations it may be creating around your goals with positive ones freeing you up to reach them!
Remember, our thoughts create our reality but we can always change the focus of our thoughts and look for the positive both for ourselves and others. So, now that you are aware of the magical power of the words you use, you can weave the most amazing word spells to transform your world – and that of others.
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