You’ve recently met someone special. You ‘clicked’ from the very first moment you met and there seemed to be a terrific soul connection between you. Since then you’ve been spending almost every spare moment together. Perhaps they’ve already told you they love you and have even mentioned plans for the future on a couple of occasions. Everything seemed to be unfolding beautifully but now, six to eight weeks along something’s changed. Perhaps they’re not returning your texts or calls like they used to – or you’re just not spending as much time together and they seem a little distant when you do. Or maybe they’ve told you they feel you need to ‘cool’ it for a bit even though they care about you. What’s going on and what should you do?
First of all, let go of the idea you’ve done something wrong. Psychologists now know that the six to eight week mark in a new relationship is a crucial period for the relationship’s evolution. It’s the time when serious soul ties are made – the relationship now has to evolve to a deeper level – or not. The other aspect to consider is that if you’ve just been dating for a couple of months and things have moved very fast there is a tendency to ‘future project’. After all, if you’ve been spending every spare moment in each other’s company during the past few weeks where will you be in another six weeks’ time? Living together? Married with a mortgage? Sometimes one or both partners can panic and pull back because things just seem to be moving too fast.
If this all sounds familiar what can you do?
Don’t – panic. And above all, if your new partner is acting a little distant don’t bombard them with emails, texts or phone calls asking if they are okay or worse, gifts to ‘win’ back their interest. You’ll come over as needy or desperate – not a good look.
Do – get busy. And if you partner suggests you see each other a little less, agree. Tell them that you love being with them but that your family and friends must think you’ve been kidnapped! If your partner sees that you acknowledge the situation this takes the pressure off both of you. Now call your friends and get back to your interests. Relationships need variety and balance in which to thrive ad chances are when your partner realises they have space within your relationship they will get closer again.
Don’t – agree to being just ‘friends’ or ‘friends with benefits’ if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
Do – explain calmly that just ‘friends’ did not appear to be what you were and that as you are looking for something more serious and long-term, it appears you both want different things. This is a hard one especially if you’ve developed serious feelings for someone. But you have to understand that if they are suggesting you radically change the deal that appears to be on the table, they will not change their minds later. They could be emotionally unavailable on some level. By stating what you want and being firm on this you stand a better chance of getting what you need – and you emerge with your self-respect intact. If your partner doesn’t agree then chances are they would never be able to give you what you needed in the long term anyway – so better to find out sooner rather than later.
So what is the soul-growth opportunity here? When we enter into a relationship with another we are not only getting to know them but discovering a new facet of ourselves. We are changed as we discover this. If your new love wants some space, see this as an opportunity to integrate what you’ve learned about how you are in relationships – and that includes the ones you may have been neglecting! It also serves to remind you how you are in the one relationship that lasts a lifetime – the one you have with yourself. The people we fall in love with are just reflections of the love we have inside ourselves all the time. So be the lover you want to be in love with and chances are, your outer love will reflect just that back at you.
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