I’ve talked about the emotional availability of someone we fall in love with being absolutely fundamental to whether we are attuning ourselves to happiness or setting ourselves up for pain, but I wanted to say more about why unrequited love can be such a destructive force in our lives – if we allow it to be.
Unrequited love in the extreme can reduce us to shadows of our true selves. Love is one of life’s greatest teachers and mysteries, but it’s almost as though we become obsessed with cracking the code of love itself when someone doesn’t love us back. We can decide that there is something horribly wrong with us and if only we knew what it was we could put it right and they would wake up and realise that they couldn’t spend another day without us. We turn on ourselves and start hacking away at who we are, determined to carve out of the marble of our being an image that they will find irresistible. The more we set about ourselves, the more we turn into shadows and wraiths, robbing ourselves of our true power that we would, in our madness, exchange for a moment of their attention.
The irony is, unrequited love actually has very little to do with the other person at all. We might be obsessed by them, but we’ve put them up on a pedestal and we aren’t relating to who they truly are. We have turned them into an object of worship, a false idol. As long as we aren’t actually with them, we can weave our own powerful myths about who they are and of how perfect everything would be if we were with them.
Part of the power of the spell that unrequited love casts is that, because it all takes place in our world of fantasy, it can beat reality hands down. In real relationships, people argue. You plan a passionate evening of romance and lust and they fall asleep dribbling on the sofa. In your world of fantasy with this incredible love object, that would never happen. Real life cannot live up to fantasy and myth. So if someone came along who was actually really good for you whilst you were under the spell cast by this other person, you’d push them away – that is, if you even noticed them.
Unrequited love is actually a form of addiction. We get lost in longing and it’s that feeling of longing that we mistake for love. It becomes habitual, part of who we are and how we experience life. It lurks behind everything and taints every moment of joy and happiness that could be ours if only we were brave enough to root it out.
From a quantum creating perspective, the more we allow ourselves to fall under the spell of unrequited love, the more we vibrate with unfulfilled longing, and the more the universe will mirror that and send us more of the same.
As unrequited love is such a major way of leaking power, even though we might recognise its dangers, we can also convince ourselves that we can’t get out of that awful state unless someone rescues us. Someone had better come along and hit us over the head, throw us over their shoulder and carry us back out to sanity. But that wouldn’t do any good at all because we’d flop around like wilted flowers, murmuring ‘But I love him/her’ until they got frustrated with us and left us by the roadside.
From a spiritual perspective it might be that we have a ‘past life’ connection with that person or loved them in another life so that in this life they feel incredibly familiar. Clinging onto a past life experience can block our souls growth in this life.
We have to rescue ourselves, claim our own power back, snap ourselves out of the spell that’s been cast. That begins by us recognising that we have fallen into a state of negative enchantment and being willing to do whatever it takes to break it. That way, we set ourselves free to go on and attract real love. If you look back once the spell is broken you’ll see the most astonishing sight. Where you might have seen a God or Goddess, you’ll see an ordinary person. If you could see through the eyes of your soul, you might see another soul who came along at the perfect time to allow you to experience what it’s like when you give away your power. You may even send them a silent blessing for giving you such a wonderful gift – that is, just before you turn away and go and get on with your own life once more and manifest the real love you deserve.
Loads of love,
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