Can a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship ever work?

These days we have a huge amount of freedom when it comes to defining what suits us in terms of relationships.  Along with any other freedom we’ve embraced comes the freedom to have what are called ‘friends with benefits’ or simply no strings sex.

But can it ever really work – as in no one gets hurt?  The debate is on.  Some people argue that because men and women are different, they have very different attitudes towards sex.  Consequently, a no strings friends with benefits style relationships between a man and a woman always results in the woman getting her heart broken. If you are in a relationship with someone of your own sex it can be equally complicated as the role or friends and lovers becomes blurred.

I say that when it comes to relationships, there is no one rule that fits everyone all the time.  We’re all unique, we all have our own morality and we are all free to explore and learn when it comes to relationships.  There are all sorts of reasons why a friends with benefits relationship can work, and a few that may mean it doesn’t.  So let’s get clear.

If anyone involved is happy, it’s all good.  But – and here is a huge but – it’s about being truly honest with yourself.  If you’re jumping in the sack with someone hoping that they’ll fall in love with you as a result, then you have a secret agenda that is built on a slight degree of inequality that could bite you on the behind.

At the same time, if they are racing around every time you send them a booty call hoping it will lead to something more, you need to be tuned into that.  You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s decisions or how they live their life, but if you absolutely know they adore you and you’re just scratching an itch with every intention of dropping them like a hot brick when someone else comes along, that’s not really the way to earn any spiritual brownie points.

It’s all to do with psychic energy.  When you leap into bed with someone, your psychic energies also get mixed up with theirs and anyone else that they are also sleeping with.  You want to make sure that psychic energy is equally matched or you can create imbalances in the psychic field between you.

Also, feelings can change.  It’s possible for something casual to turn intense for one or both people, in the same way that it’s possible for something intense to transform and soften into a deep and platonic love that lasts a lifetime.  No relationship comes with a cast iron guarantee that it will never change and along with that, you or the other person won’t get hurt.

Every interaction we have has it’s own special alchemy and energy and each sexual encounter we have is here to evolve our soul, there is no escaping the fact that we carry leave a bit of us with the people we sleep with like an invisible tattoo on their aura.

So what’s the psychic golden rule when it comes to no strings fun?  Keep it honest and authentic.  Track your feelings at the start, and if they change, act on what they have developed into.  Also, keep one eye on the other person’s feelings so if they start to change, you’re not happily going along stomping on someone else’s heart without realising.

Most of all, treat yourself and everyone around you with love and respect.

loads of love,

Michele x

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