Let’s talk about the other ‘M’ word – Money and how it impacts on your relationship. A researcher from KansasStateUniversity conducted a study from 4,500 couples and found that arguments over money were the top predictor of divorce! This may come as no surprise when we consider that after infidelity, arguments over money are the next most common reason why couples split up. The researchers also found that couples use harsher language and arguments over money last longer than arguments over other topics. Owch! So, what can we do on a soul level to ensure that money does not become the root cause of arguments and relationship strife?
First of all, let’s take the material aspect out of money and look at it on a soul level. Money represents an exchange of energy and also is often a reflection of our own self-worth. In astrology love and money are intrinsically linked as they are both ruled by Venus in our chart. Because of this, we first and foremost need to come from a place where we see ourselves as being in a relationship with money – and making this relationship work for us. Do we value our skills that earn us our money? It’s often not about how much money we have per se but how we treat what we have. Do we go around saying we don’t care about money – but then complain all the time we don’t have enough to pay our bills or even reward ourselves with something we would like? What we need to remember is we all have a ‘story’ around our money – and so does our partner. But we can run into trouble if our stories differ. For example, if one person believes that money is to be spent and enjoyed and has an ‘easy come, easy go’ attitude to it, but the other person believes in being more cautious with their money and saving for a ‘rainy day’ – then we can see how conflicts could arise. Some people also see money as a means of manipulation and control – and if this happens it is important to understand this is not about money – but about a deep-seated sense of insecurity in the relationship. We can sometimes see this played out when the balance of earning power suddenly shifts with one partner (usually the woman) suddenly earning more than her partner.
Another factor is that many couples avoid discussing money as they see this as ‘unromantic’. Well, divorce or relationship breakdown is about as unromantic as you can get. Because our money is linked to our sense of self-worth we also often avoid discussing it as we are afraid our partners will judge or criticise us if we admit to having a few issues around budgeting or spending. However, if we first and foremost take responsibility for working on our own relationship with our money, then being honest with our partner about financial issues starts to become that much more easier.
Value yourself as a person and your skills first and foremost – money can’t buy the unique person you are.
Start to keep track of what you spend your money on. See what proportion of your money goes on housing, utilities, food and essentials and what you do with whatever is left over. Don’t judge this at first, just observe as if you are just there to audit your own life. Once you see where the money goes over the following couple of months, are there any patterns you were unaware of or changes you might make as a result?
Talk about money with your partner and be honest. Are you a spender or a saver? If you have radically different stories around your money discuss how aspects of each of your ‘money stories’ can be used to create a joint one that can help you both. Don’t wait until an argument over money surfaces to do this – talk about it when you are both happy and relaxed.
Above all, understand you are not your money and how much (or little) you have does not reflect your value in a relationship or to your partner – but your relationship to your money can.
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